ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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