dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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