So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Randomize
