I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
