tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
