I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
