Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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