..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
this boner is exhausting
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
