Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
