i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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