Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
