his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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