So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
