and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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