jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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