It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
