Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
