I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
