I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
my liver is dry heaving
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
