Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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