some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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