Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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