How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
