I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
