whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize