I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
