Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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