Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
