whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
