Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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