i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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