What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
