I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
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