carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
