I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Someone signed my nipple.
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