i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
