he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
