We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
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