if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Can you bring me the toilet please
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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