umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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