she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
