I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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