Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
