My sheets look like a crime scene.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize