I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
