1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
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