drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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