I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Randomize
