a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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