Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
