Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
