let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
