If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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