So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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