When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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