Don't make out with my wife yet
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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