A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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