And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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