I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
