i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
