today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
