so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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