Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
bring money and cleavage
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
