I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
