I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Vodka?
Forever.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
